How to choose a mediator

MEDIATOR, by definition a person who mediates between parties at a variance; intervener, peacemaker, or neutral reconciliator. But aside from the textbook definition of a mediator, WHO OR WHAT IS A MEDIATOR???? Well in this blog, I will give you that answer.

A mediator is a professional individual, usually certified, trained and skilled at helping different parties achieve a resolution for their conflict. In other words, he/she is a professional trained to achieve conflict resolution. Sounds easy enough right??? You would think that anyone could do it, but this is not the case.

In the United States, in order to practice mediation privately, you do not have to be certified. Meaning, literally, anyone can call themselves a mediator. But, in order to work as a mediator for the goverment you have to be certified. Now, I do not know about you, but that does raise a red flag for me. Why would the goverment require a certification to work for them, but not in the private sector??? The answer is simple, to mediate is not as easy as it looks.

A good quality mediator should have one or the other, vast years of experience in mediation or education in the area, whether it be a training, certification, or a degree. I personally am a mediator and am certified to do so.

During my training as a mediator I had to complete several hours of seminars, then observe some mediation sessions and lastly assist at one. During the seminars we learned how to guide the parties from their current defensive position to one where they are open and receptive. We also learned how to identify conflicts.

Contrary to popular beliefs when a person decides to go to a mediation or to place a legal complaint, the conflict is rarely just one. In many instances they go for one thing, but what drives them to that point is another. For example, I once had an elderly woman come to my office and tell me that she wanted to sue her tenant, because he had damaged the house. During our meeting I noticed that her real drive for the legal action was not so much the fact that he had damaged her property, but the fact that she felt the tenant took advantage of her age and good will during the tanancy. So in this particular case, even though their are grounds for a legal claim, if the tenant would've apologized, she most propbably would've desisted from a legal course of action.

This is why mediators are also made aware of the necessity to listen, not just hear what people are saying. It is imprescinble to be able to listen between lines what the parties are really talking about. Without this skill, the conflict cannot be efficiently identified.

Another area where mediators are trained, is identifying the role of each one of the parties, specifically who has the power of control during the mediation. It is then the mediator's role to balance out such disparities in power.

I will never forget the example given to me to ilustrate this... There was a company where no CEO last very long in their position. A closer look to the company revealed that there is a janitor who had been befriended by the owner and highest share holder of the company. So at the end of the day, if the janitor did not like the CEO for whatever reasons, he manipulated the situation to a point where the CEO either left or was fired. So I ask you, who has the power in this example? If you aswered the janitor, you're right. Power is not about education or money, is about influence and how you use it.

Mediators are also taught how to paraphrase, clarify, probe and reframe. In my opinion these are some of the hardest things to do. It is his/her duty, to always let the parties feel that he/she is understanding them and can relate to him/her without making the other person involved feel left out or that he/she as a mediator have become partialized. In addition, when paraphrasing a mediator has to use postive communication. In other words, whatever was said in a negative context has to be paraphrased into a positive one. This helps the parties involved understand each other better, and become more receptive to one another.

And last but not least, a mediator is also a translator, but not in langues per se, but in the sense of putting into writing what the parties have agreed upon in such a laguage that if breached it can be enforced by a court of law.

So lets recap. A mediator is a trained, skilled professional, who knows how to listen, identify problems, balance power, paraphrase positivley and all this, while helping the parties involved find a solution that is legal, enforcable and satisfactory to everyone.

Now that you have a better idea of who or what is a mediator, you know what to look for when choosing one. And remember:

1. Always ask for their credentials.
2. Make sure that he/she has experience in the field for what you are going to be requiring his/her services.
3. Ask as many questions as you need to, in the end you want to get your moneys worth.
4. Do not be afraid to ask for a resume or curriculum in vitae.
5. Compare, there are many mediators out there, be sure to find one you feel comfortable with.