More War than Love

If you have not yet read my bio, I am an attorney, but I am also a woman, married and with a child.

I've been married for almost 3 years now, and let me tell you it has not been an easy task. Four months into my marriage, he threatened me with a divorce, a month after that he did it again. I finally confronted him an told him that, I would give it to him and that he should thank his lucky stars that he married a lawyer, this way he wouldn't have any legal fees to worry about. To this day, never again has he put divorce on the table. For me... it has been a different story, although I have never said it out loud, the thought has crossed my mind several times (DIVORCE).

None the less I'm still hanging in there hoping that as the time goes by there are way more happy times than bad. I mean, we do have a son together and he does love his dad very much, but the question pops up... How much is enough? Lately it seems that there is more war than love in our household and I do not want to transmit that into my child's life, but I do not want my son to grow-up without his father present; and trust me my husband would be more absent than present if we were divorced.

As an attorney I worked closely to domestic violence victims. So I became kinda of an expert on the matter. I can quickly identify an aggresors behavior and the type of abuse, whether it be physiscal or emotional. So I can truly say that at this moment my marriage is suffering from emotional abuse.

So when did this all went wrong? We were so much in love, there was a mutual respect and admiration. If you ask my husband things went wrong when he could not find a job and we started having financial problems. If you ask me I will tell you that it was when he started blaming me for everything that did not go his way. In conclusion, he started using me as an outlet for his frustrations and not the good kind where you vent and let it out, but the one where you are hurting and transmit that hurt to the other person.

Over time, many other issues have contributed to the decline in our relationship, but I would've been willing to work at it, if he was willing to see his faults just as he expects me to see mine. But this is not the case.

Most relationships are called partnerships. This is so because both person involved are supposed to be equal parts into the equation (50 + 50 = 100). I'm not at all implying that both of you have to do everything divided equally, but at least carry equally the work and effort of maintaining a relationship. When one does more than the other for the relationship (to keep it going), it stops being a partnership.

In the end, it takes two to fight and two to work things out, but both parties have to be willing to accept, forgive, rectify and put effort into the partnership that we call a relationship. If not, its not worth pursuing it. You can read more about my emotional journey at my next Blog: MORE WAR THAN LOVE THE SEQUEL.