When Marriage is a constant Battle

If you have been following my previous blogs, by now you must know three things: 1- that I'm married, 2- that my husband is 11 years older than me and 3- that we have started marriage counseling.

We decided to go to a therapist because he was, to a point, being emotionally abusive with me and I was ready to call it quits, but he wasn't. So being the understanding person that I am, I decided to give it another try, under the condition that we go to a therapist to work out our kinks. Just to clear the air, he was the one that suggested therapy I just went along with it; but to be honest, if therapy would not have been an option, I would be writing about divorce instead of marriage right now.

So far we've had two sessions with the therapist and all that she has suggested to us is that we improve in our communication. Well, duh, isn't the lack of communication or better yet lack of respectful communication what got us in this situation in the first place? Going back to the subject at hand, I must agree things have gotten better. My husband is now more open to giving me insight on what he is feeling and what he wants. Regarding what he wants... he has been very clear a PORSCHE.

In my personal opinion he desires this car so much because he is going through a midlife crisis (but this is a matter for another blog). The thing is that in the past, my hubby made very bad financial decision. That added to the fact that he had a streak of unfortunate events resulted in having a really bad credit score today. That translates into the fact that in order to get the car I would be the one liable for the financing, and this my friends is something that I am not willing to be responsible for at this time.

After all that I've been through with him in the last 4 months, I do not want anymore financial responsibility than necessary. Of course he does not understand this, nor would I expect him to, because it is a very personal reason. But then there is the other factor, the money.

I acknowledge that he is the provider, the only one with a job (for now) and that he deserves a car. What I do not agree with is the type of car and the price tag attached to it. But to be just, I did a financial exercise on my own and threw some numbers around to see if we could afford to pay a used 911 Cabrera coupe Porsche and it turns out that we could, if we were willing to live with $600 a month for our personal expenses (entertainment, misc. buys, such as clothes, shoes, etc.) I do not know about you, but I am not willing to be so restricted money wise with a two year old in the house (our son).

I believe in hoping for the best, but being prepared for the worst. If we were to buy this car, just to satisfy my husband need to recapture his youth, and the car would need some type of repair in the future, How would we pay for it? Porsche parts and labor are not cheap and my husband is no where close to having any type of mechanical skill.

This are the things I think about; and my husband, either doesn't or does but decided to ignore them. The thing is that since I am not willing to help him out, despite of all of our therapy (two sessions) he is once again unsatisfied with me. This makes me wonder, are things only going to be OK and work out between us if I do exactly and everything that he wants, when he wants it? Because then it would be more of a dictatorship not a partnership and I married to have a partner, not a dictator in my life.

In the end, marriage is about trust, compromise, compassion, empathy, communication and over all understanding. Maybe this might be the subject for my next therapy session "understanding", because I feel like he does not understand from where I am coming from.